Falling Out and Falling Out

Coming back... eventually.

To have God or not have God?

Recently I have found myself pulling away from God. I have no real interest in reading my bible right now. I have been doing it so I may take in God's word and maybe learn something. My prayer tonight was for God to burden heart and help me want to know him more. It's amazing how God can be medicine and fix someone so fast but I think I don't realize that God is one of those medicines that you never stop taking :) Until next time....

Joy in Jesus

Well, I feel better today. I listened to a sermon about Joy and finding the joy in Jesus. I learned a very important lesson: I have a human condition. I will never be able to be the person that I am supposed to be. This is why Christ died for me, because I can't do what I am supposed to do. I have been very discouraged lately about my unwillingness to stop sinning. I just realized that this is just my nature. I am an imperfect person which is why I need Jesus. I am saved, I have been saved since April 15, 2011. I have only been a bad person in trying to be a disciple of Jesus, but I'm trying and that is what matters. I know that I will fail over and over in trying to be a perfect disciple of Jesus but that's okay because Jesus lifts me up and carrys me in which I can not.

The past few days I have been struggling with myself. I have been tempted to just give up God and just do what I want because I will never be able to be the person I am supposed to be. I keep thinking to myself no I need to just stay in the word even though I am having a struggle with spirituality right now leaving the word is not going to fix it. Sure I have a lot of questions that just creep up about God, but its okay to ask them. I think that this is good for me because I am starting to move forward with myself and in getting to know God.

I have been a "baby" Christian for two years now. I have been stuck and I haven't moved forward. I accepted Christ into my heart but I haven't let the small tree inside of me grow and fully develop. So I leave tonight with a goal for myself to stay in the word from now on. I often will pick up the bible every few months and read it for a week or so and then just put it down. I need God 24/7 not just when I'm struggling.

Am I saved?

I have never asked myself that question before. I accepted Christ into my heart on April 15, 2011 and since then I have continued to stray away and come back to God. Recently though I have been very sinful and okay of my sins because I know Jesus died on the cross for me to my sins would be forgiven. I automatically assume that I am going to go to heaven. Until 3 minutes ago...

I was reading a blog post by someone and they were talking about the concept of being saved. One thing they pointed out is that we need to be craving God and wanting to know more about him. Lately, that really isn't me. I don't know if that ever was me... like I think it was, way long ago when I first accepted Christ I started to read the bible and then I started to stray away. I have always been so comfortable sinning because I know that I am going to heaven.

Well now I am worried. I have an internal struggle going on. I love to party I love to do lots of sinful things and I keep fighting myself against them but I so pationatly prefer to do the sinful things instead of being obediant and loving God. Then theres another part of me questioning God. I have a lot of friends that do not believe in God and bring up excellent points in not believing in God and I am starting to actually consider them, I used to just blow them off but now I am actually considering them... I am scared. I prayed to God that he would pull on my heart and open it up to help me want to know him and get rid of the sinful desires but I know deep down I just wanna keep doing what I am doing. It's concerning to me.

Please pray for me. I have never actually asked myself the question since that night "Am I saved??"

The Gospel in 6 weeks

That's the goal!!! Well at least I hope so. I am going to try to read the entire New Testament by the end of the summer. I am challenging myself to open my heart to God this second half of the summer. I don't know how it's going to go but it's a challenge!

Today I started with the book of Mathew. I read the first 5.5 chapters tonight. Now I have read the book of Mathew before so I was not very excited to start with the book of Mathew but I feel that if Pastor's can read the bible over and over and teach from it over and over there must be something to learn each time I read it. Tonight I don't want to say I didn't learn nothing but I was reintroduced into the word. One thing that I did notice is how clearly God describes what is wrong. I sin over and over and I never really think much about it because I know that my sins are forgiven but I don't think I really think about them being sins. That is one thing that has been a surprise for me.

Anyways here is to the start of a journey, a challenge, a chance to walk with God.

Beginning a New Journey

I read one of my old good friends testimony's last night and it drew my attention quite a bit. I decided that I am going to begin a new religious journey. I was saved when I was a freshman but since then I have pulled myself away and then back to the Lord. I feel that it is easier coming back when you already know Jesus as opposed to finding Jesus in the first place. I decided that if I am going to identify myself as a Christian than I need to start researching and trying to grow in myself. Part of me is uncomfortable about it because I don't want to give up a lot of my sinful ways but another part of me is excited because I know that getting closer to Jesus helps me to grow more. I decided that I am going to start my new journey by listening to some sermons from a church I really like and when I get back home I am going to try to make an effort to go to church, read my bible, and live in the spirit of Christ. I don't know how this is going to turn out but we shall see. I hope that blogging about some of my feelings will help me in this journey.
Wish me luck!!

Welcome

Hello! I just wanted to formally introduce myself and my new blog!

A little bit about me:
I am studying Political Science and Business with plans to attend law school upon graduating. I am a competitive Figure Skater and am at the Novice level. My favorite TV shows are Vampire Diaries, House of Cards, and Keeping Up with the Kardashians (I know... I know...). My favorite color is yellow because it reminds me of a new day and happiness. I love politics and I have very strong opinions.

What is this blog for?
I am creating this blog to keep track of my spiritual journey with God. It's essentially a tool for me to reflect and share my reflections with the world.

What about you?
Feel free to comment on posts, email me, or communicate me. I would love to know that someone is reading my stuff!

I have never kept a blog before so here goes nothing!!